id be glad to
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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