Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just blew my weed a kiss
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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