goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
