All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
