I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
