Please, let me fuck your mom
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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