she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
