so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
