things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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