And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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