Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
