If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The adults are the big ones right?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
