i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
