Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
