I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
