Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
