Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
