my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize