god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
