We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
