I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
