Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
