Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
