Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
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