he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I woke up under a house in Key West
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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