ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
