SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
