Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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