Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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