she looked like the before picture.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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