took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
