I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
