You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize