Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
that is very illegal...i love you.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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