i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
