Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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