Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
