i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
4 words: hood of his car
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize