420 ftw
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
