I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
