i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
