My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just found a bag of teeth...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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