Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
