Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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