At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
