hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
