Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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