well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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