Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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