haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
worst night to have a conscience
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
