Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
