Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
