I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
