I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
