A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
