areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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