can we get nightvision for the apartment?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Randomize
