i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
