the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize