my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
