Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
