These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
