god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
