the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
