and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Holy shit dude........stairs
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