he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
