I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
