# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
