He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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