dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
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