I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
