I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
