Cold hands, warm shart.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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