I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
