I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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