on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
