a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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