when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize