All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
