Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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