Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
