my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize