Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
