Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just gargled with NyQuil
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
