Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
