I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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