Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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