that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
