I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
