Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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