So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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