I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
