u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize