Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
