ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
