You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
