wanna go halves on a baby?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
